This #10yearchallenge has been interesting for me with the lens I have now.

In 2012 friends were going through difficulties in their marriages including one that revealed he’d been living a double life. It forced us to talk about questions, concerns and for me suspicions as well. As usual there was no response, just silence and me waiting. In a last effort specific to his continuing lies, rumors he drank at work, more porn and possible affairs he finally answered with “I fear God more than you. And adding another woman to my already busy life is the last thing I want to do.” I remember it so clearly and how I trusted him again and believed we were on the same page.

The next morning he left me a letter expressing love, compliments, gratitude of me and promises to me. He ended with, “My biggest goal in life is to dedicate my life to making you happy. I want my kids to know their dad loves their mom and that there is no one else. I want them to know how fortunate they are to have you as their mom. Please know you are the crown jewel of this household and without you we will fail. Always remember I love you. I have made mistakes but they make me stronger. Please remember there is NO ONE I’d rather be with. You are the total package. Any man would love you. I love you! You are the highlight of my life. Love, ***”

Now I know that he was living a double life before I even met him. I know he wrote me nice messages especially when he was with other women or felt guilty. He saw the consequences of our friends choices and decided that wasn’t going to be him because nobody would ever find out instead of choosing to change.

But even in that time I thought I was happy. Being naive allowed me to live the life I did including being the mom I wanted to be. And that truth is something I know for sure! I also know those are just words and to watch peoples feet instead.

The best part is where I am now. I feel emotions, joy, safety, relief and like myself again. I know when love is reciprocated it’s a beautiful and powerful thing.

What goodness do you have in your life now from the betrayals of 10 years earlier?

#divorce #gaslighting #emotionalabuse #betrayaltrauma #hope