I have thought a lot about forgiveness this last year. I wasn’t prepared for the opinions of others on how soon and in what way they thought I should forgive. I have been asked, “Don’t you want him to heal?” I also wanted him to choose his family over his addiction and I had to let him go. Not just because he was okay with losing me but because I had to turn him over to God.
Even if he asked for my forgiveness with the most sincere and pure heart, I still can’t become whole except through God because forgiveness is between God and me.
We all have to carry our own crosses and for me my current cross to bear is something that was done to me and the effects I am still fighting. With God I can overcome my limitations and find relief to be able to give me the freedom of no longer carrying the feelings of unfairness and resentment for the impact his choices make on my children and me. Forgiveness is a process and has no time line. I have trust in God that He is God and will take this from me so I can sever my link to him.
Forgiveness helps me also set better boundaries because I am more in tune with God and His needs for me because He takes me out of the judgment process. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. Even when we need to forgive ourselves God lets us remember our transgressions to help provide a warning for future mistakes.
What happened to me is part of my story of why I am who I am. Just like losing my mom, dancing in college, having miscarriages and becoming a mom are part of my story too. I don’t forget these experiences that have made me who I am but I allow them to project me in a positive direction at a given crossroad of learning.
Sara Schulting Kranz explains well the New Definition of Forgiveness of someone in betrayal trauma and the process we need to allow not just ourselves but as someone on the outside looking in.
 
The power of the Atonement is almost unbelievable in its ability to heal the wounded and offender. It offers unconditional love and peace to both. We can’t give up and feel stuck and I share my story to help someone else move out of that to find hope that we are not alone and happiness beyond what we can imagine is still possible. I know I am not perfect and have made mistakes and I am thankful for a loving and forgiving God.