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- 1:1 Private Coaching
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My Story
Contact Me
Blog Posts

Beauty

07Aug

The Art of Second Chances

My friend gave me this gift “The Art of Second Chances” and I had to

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About Me

I am a speaker and Life Coach specializing in betrayal trauma, infidelity, self worth, divorce and dating. I can help you find hope in healing.

Marni Bown

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It’s FLYday!

Sign up to receive a healing suggestion on a Friday to get you through the weekend with the reminder to First Love Yourself!

I believe in god

I Believe In God

6 years ago I was on a miracle trip with some of my closest friends at one of the darkest times in my life. It had been planned a few years prior and the timing couldn’t have been more divine.

Weeks previously I had found out my husband of 21 years had been living a double life in such hurtful and deceptive ways. We were separated and I was experiencing the PTSD effects of betrayal trauma. Not many people knew and I was caught in the embarrassment and shame of his choices with the consequences now falling on our family because of them. I looked forward to going and acting as if this wasn’t really my life.

But my friends knew me better than me trying to hide and “be normal.” After their concern I was able to share and they wept with me as they also felt betrayed. It was healing, empowering and so special. I felt so loved and encouraged to face what was still in front of me. It was an absolute tender mercy from God.

The months following came with more heartbreaks, lies and me bending over in unhealthy ways to fight for us until it was finally time to be done.

Fast forward to Mark and I visiting this same place 6 years later. It is a beautiful gift! We talk about how if we could have seen our lives now at those catastrophic moments we almost wouldn’t have believed it could be true.

We have wondered if we should thank each other’s exes for choosing other people, places and things or instead their people for being more what they wanted and how they desired to live so we could be with what is our better fit too?

Instead we thank God everyday for helping us finally find eachother. And we thank Him for knowing us better than we knew ourselves so that when we got an opportunity to choose for us that we could be in a marriage where we are more true to who we are, how we want to live and be. I love that we get to value each other extra after having had contrasting experiences. The gratitude we have because of knowing so differently is a blessing of our second marriage.

I am so sorry for those still in tragic places. Divorce is unfair but not a dead end. Your life may exceed in ways you could’ve never imagined.

#divorce #remarriage #betrayaltrauma #hope#healing

My January Book Club recommendation is “Self-Care for Grief” by Nneka M Okona.

With the recognition of my betrayal trauma came the understanding of the grief I felt in it too. So many losses in my ideals, in myself, in what I thought he was and in what we could have been. And the letting go of what we really were and who he really was versus what I thought we were or he was.

I learned about self care and the importance of it in my survival, especially now as a single mom.

This book combines the two and goes into detail about understanding grief and what self-care is. It covers physical self-care, emotional self-care, mental self-care and spiritual self-care.

Grief in society says “You are not supposed to dwell on your grief.” Or “…you’re not supposed to grieve for long.” But as we known now we have to feel and move through it all. It won’t ever go away but we can learn how to manage it, accept it and allow it to become a part of our story of what makes us who we are.

Have you experienced grief over a lost job, break up, a death of a loved one or in betrayal trauma?

What do you do for self-care in your grief?

#bookclub #selfcare #betrayaltrauma #divorce #shame #anxiety #vulnerability #grief #compassion #empathy #boundaries #sympathy #selfcompassion #selftrust #heartbreak #love #addiction #healing #emotionalabuse #infidelity #hope #lifecoach #healfrombetrayal #selflove #healingpower #ptsd #gaslighting #mentalhealth

I love butterflies and all that they represent in their ability to transform, to change, and offer endless possibilities. I love the rebirth, determination, patience in the change and vulnerability in that first flight.

Butterflies offer joy and embrace the ability to experience the wonderful life. To go from moving slowly on a twig and after enduring a transition to taking flight over seas and continents.

In addition, I love the idea of the butterfly effect and how one small change in a state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. The simple flap of butterfly wings weeks before can contribute to the tornado weeks later. Of course this would mean that the choices we make can effect those for good or have a negative effect as well. But I do believe we are all beings that carry spiritual energy that we give off everyday.

Let our intentions be good. Notice I didn’t say perfect...but to do the best we can each day and to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings. May we each pray at the end of a day to recognize how we made a positive contribution to the universe that day just by existing and being ourselves.

And as we learn to FLY we understand that it stands for First Love Yourself. We are commanded to “love your neighbor as yourself” yet often we are more loving and forgiving to others MORE than ourselves. As if we believe the Atonement applies to everyone, except us.

Give yourself a hug today. Tell yourself 3 things you are doing well. Recognize what talents you have and how God is mindful of you. And every time you see a butterfly may you be reminded of how you make a difference everyday just by being YOU. 🦋

#addiction #infidelity #divorce #betrayaltrauma #emotionalabuse #gaslighting #godisreal #butterflyeffect #rebirth #hope #healing #vulnerability #selflove #selfcare #healing

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