My dear friend sent me this because our cause for divorce was very similar and I love that reading it made me literally laugh out loud. Amazing how the abrupt changes we experienced prepared us for the constant current changes.
After I asked him to move out my children’s therapist encouraged me to execute an activity for them called a “mad bag.” Even though it felt unnecessary and uncomfortable with all their different ages I still proceeded on a family night. We were instructed to write all our feelings on little pieces of paper and put them in a paper bag. Then we balled the bag up and wrapped it with duct tape. The purpose was to take turns throwing and punching it in a way to outwardly express the healthy anger aspect of grief. It didn’t take long before we turned it into a game of seeing how many times we could hit it up before it touched the floor. I recall recognizing genuine laughter and happiness. I recall my numbness diminishing as I heard laughter and felt true happiness. Before it seemed forced to be okay with the confusion and sadness. This exercise catapulted us back to the enjoyment of life because of our laughter.
I have always known I had a choice to either laugh or cry. I know that crying has been a healing part of my PTSD from the betrayals. I have had moments I couldn’t wear my contacts and felt I couldn’t move from the floor because the weight of the hurt was too much. But on the opposite how good it feels to smile, laugh and be happy!
I have since recognized how often prostitution, strip clubs, strippers, pornography, and infidelity are woven into story lines, jokes and even accepted as socially okay. I know I could easily be offended because this is my new truth. But what I do know is that I choose to laugh instead of cry. I choose to cry when I need it but allow myself to feel happy too.
I hope that during this time when we can feel isolated, overwhelmed, betrayed or hurt we find laughter. What outward expressions do you engage in to help exercise your need to cry and be angry?