Those of you that know me well would be shocked to see me holding a dog because for the longest time I have been SO scared!

Those of you that know my friend that Fezzy belongs to knows this is also a big deal because whenever she is around, Fez always chooses to be with her. 

 When she first got Fezzy about 6 years ago I decided this was my chance to help me over come my fear of a dog starting out when he was a puppy. Really all this meant was trying to not jump (or run) when he was around.

Now fast forward to New Years Eve flocking my first big D-day. I made him take some of my kids to a bowl game while I stayed home with my oldest. During that time I unearthed the financial devastation that became little puzzle pieces to this other life he had lived for so long. A new truth started coming together and I was so sick and hurt.

My dear friend invited me to spend New Years Eve with her and I couldn’t even formulate the words to tell her what was going on because even I was in shock about the truth. I felt his lies became mine as I was embarrassed and ashamed that over and over he didn’t choose me or the kids. I now knew what he was choosing to spend so much money and time on and I knew I only knew only a little still. I could only take seeing it in small doses as my massive nightmares and fear of going to sleep began.

I was exhausted in every human way and when I arrived we intended on watching a movie but instead ended up in her bed chatting. I listened as she brought up new subjects I needed to hear concerning therapy for my kids. She was an angel on Earth and an answer to prayers as I lay there dying inside.

While we sat her cute dog went past her and came over to me. He lay his head right on my lap and I sat still. I knew he knew I was hurting..that he sensed it. I had this inner conversation with Fezzy thanking him for loving me when he knew I needed it but wasn’t allowed to say.

I had read in a book years ago about how part of a dogs purpose is to help love others and teach people to love that maybe wouldn’t have the opportunity. I am a believer!

Who has shown you love without words? #betrayaltrauma #addiction #divorce #hope