My son has been living in another country for the last year and a half. Last week he shared how he almost can’t recall much about home anymore so we started reminiscing on stories that lead us down a long memory road.

I wasn’t prepared for it to tap into heart breaking wounds that I haven’t felt in a long time. It hurt so deep as I recalled some of the fun and amazing times we had as a couple and family. It devastated me again to know what my ex wanted and walked away from. I felt overwhelming sadness in my soul.

I have certainly grieved what we could have been, what he could have been and not being picked. I know the reasons why I chose to be divorced, even though I don’t feel like I lived in a way that this should be my story.

I am reminded again how strongly I feel that God loves everyone. He is there for each of us. Christ is our advocate and protector and this is applicable to all. I don’t know where my ex is coming from in so many facets of our overlapping and distant lives. I am thankful it’s not my job to make sure consequences for his actions are followed through. There is hope, forgiveness and grace for all through Christ despite our understandings of eachother.

I also know that even though he is a son of God, I don’t have to accept or take on the negative effects of his choices. I know everyone has the opportunity to heal and make things right. I also know that it can’t generate from me. I don’t need to endure with him when it becomes unhealthy and detrimental to my well being. Regardless of someone’s efforts to be the best version of themselves does not require us to take it on or tolerate it.

I know I am a constant work in progress towards being the best version of myself. I also know that others have their agency to determine for themselves what our relationship can look like. I know that boundaries are there to protect us and help build healthy relationships.

I know at times I feel like this is relevant for everyone other than myself. I continue to work on forgiving myself for doing the best I could with the information I had at the time.

I know that in my life I have been carried by Christ when my burdens felt too much to bear.

How do you recognize Christ in your heartbreaks?