In 2018 I broke my ankle and it never healed so I had surgery later to repair it. 

I was so discouraged feeling God was unaware of my family and me. My children were extremely busy and my husband traveled a lot for work. I was in so much physical and emotional pain while my husband stood over me saying he was leaving town again for work for the week and I was on my own. 

I felt so defeated in my heart, mind and soul. This rocked my world and I was in a dark place of confusion and the devastation of my lonely injury journey as it continued through the months. 

As I reflect on this time in my life now I recognize how the abuse I had endured in my marriage had become so normal it was like my soul and body were finally fighting back. My physical body was reacting to what pain my soul knew but couldn’t explain. My brain tried to make sense of the truth he was wanting me to believe about him, us and especially how I saw myself. I was so consumed in believing what he said I was that I couldn’t believe the person he was showing me he really was. His lies didn’t make sense but I made them make sense because I couldn’t comprehend what the truth really was. 

I still hurt when I reflect on myself crawling up the stairs weeping hurting so deeply feeling so unworthy of love or service from the man that told me he loved me. I wasn’t a priority, I was the problem and deserved it.

But now I see that God was not abandoning me but finally answering my prayers giving me a chance to pause my life and see what was really happening around me. I was able to get in therapy and learn how I was living was not normal or okay. This was a blessing because I found his work phone 3 months later to uncover his secret life.

At times I had to battle his voice in my head with the lies he wanted me to believe about myself so he could have the control to manage his addiction right in front of my face. It’s cruel to think that he knew he was betraying us but skewed things that it was my job to make him happy, yet I was never enough! 

I once felt so alone like God didn’t know me. And now I can see He knew exactly what I needed but didn’t know yet. 

How has God shown up in your life? 

#hope