I am grateful for my trials.

When I was 15 my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Going through that experience was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. I was mad at God for taking my healthy mom away that loved life and living too early. But I learned so much about service, miracles, love, the priesthood, friendship, testimony, God, priorities, sacrifice, fear, heartaches, loyalty and what the Atonement means to me. And in time my anger turned into hope of an eternal perspective instead.

One of the things I still miss the most from her, aside from her contagious laugh, is a hug. Even more now being a mom because I get how that simple gesture holds so much meaning.

In this picture I had been on a backpacking trip for the week. In true JoAnne fashion she came running at me through the crowd of people and was emotionally holding me and hugging me as if she hadn’t seen me in months.

I didn’t know our lives would change within the next year or I would’ve stood there and taken it all in as even the milliseconds passed by absorbing and recording exactly the memory to recall as needed later. Even now I have to really focus to envision and feel what her hug was like or even the sound of her laughter.

At her viewing we had a family prayer as I stood by her casket linked arm in arm with my brothers and dad. I knew I was going to be okay. It hurt tremendously but I was right.

And as my life has moved on and I have continued to add experiences to my tool box I have found JOY in my heartaches. It has made my life more colorful as well.

I remember years later someone asking me if I could go back and save my mom to have her not die …would I do it? It was a very difficult question to answer because of course more than anything I wanted her physically present in my life and to get another big hug. But that also meant it took away all that I learned and the person I had become.

I am thankful I am to this point in my life with my most recent trials and heartaches. I am more dependent on God than I have ever had to be in my life and I wouldn’t want all I am, know and have become taken away from me.

@marnibown #givethanks