Grief in Divorce
There is a lot of grief in divorce. So many losses including the recognition that he was no longer my person.
It was so strange to change my perspective from him being the one I loved and built a life with for 21 years to being a stranger. And because of the truth that was revealed I truly did not know the person he really was at all.
During the dark parts of the divorce my amazing family, friends and neighbors brought my boys and I dinners. It was a huge blessing because I was so overwhelmed and depleted.
Then I got a text from him complaining that I was getting all these delicious meals to eat and wasn’t sharing any of it while he was eating Ramen every night. So, I packed some leftovers for him and he would come and get it.
Then I met with my therapist and she helped set me straight. The reason people were bringing us food was because of the choices he made that put our family in our current predicament. Also, that he is an adult and is completely capable of getting his own dinner, even if he chooses Ramen. I was told again that his happiness and needs being met are not my responsibility and that burden in our marriage was no longer mine to carry. Even if he said I was selfish, angry, needy or over reacting to support his story.
After processing through the many layers of grief I feel the blessings of the light ahead. I see clearly now that letting go of him was the only way I could feel safe and heal in a healthy environment. I know that part of my decision to divorce was to focus my energy on my children and those that also loved, supported and fought for me.
What do you grieve most in your divorce?
I would love to help you process through it.
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