I recently met Yongsung Kim and expressed my appreciation for his inspired artwork, especially “Hand of God.”

During the early parts of my discovery and separation, I shared a portion of the truth with my sister-in-law. She immediately brought by this painting. I wept as it spoke to my soul because for so long I had expressed in my marriage the feelings of drowning in my life but instead of getting help I was being handed bricks.

I felt so exhausted and couldn’t pin point why. I would ask for help and instead he told me how simple he was, how hard he worked for the family and that I didn’t value him enough. So, I’d ask less of him and work to praise him even more. Now I know it was to hide his addiction and our marriage wasn’t a companionship working together. By asking less questions and taking more I enabled his secret life. He had information I didn’t have and when I finally did, so much made sense.

To protect his lies he created the view he wanted me to see about myself and because I believed he was my person, I valued his perception. He had things for me to work on yet I still couldn’t make him happy. Now I know it’s not my job to make him happy. I should be able to trust my husband, I just trusted him more than myself. He has also proven not to be trusted.

I have since learned that although we are all commanded to forgive it is not my responsibility to shield him from his choices and the consequences that follow. I know the Atonement is real for ALL of us. I also know that his story became my story and part of my healing is to acknowledge and share my truth. There has been so much freedom in letting his choices go away from me.

I am reminded in this painting that I can count on Christ. I must have the faith to always look to Him. I have faith to take my first step and I have faith that when I stumble and call out “Lord save me” He will ALWAYS come. I am never too far for Him to reach. He literally saved me from drowning in my life and now I have seen His hand that was there all along, I just couldn’t see it to grab it.

How have you seen Christs hand in your life?

#christ#savior#hope#healing#selfcare#betrayaltrauma#addiction#divorce