Many people had prepared me for what I might feel that day and I wasn’t even sure what mine would be.

My reaction was an audible excited and nervous “Yes!” I was with a friend and we immediately celebrated with ice cream. I felt a HUGE sense of relief and release.

Although my divorce happened quickly it was such a painful and anxious process. Since my big D-day I pulled on a string that’s been unraveling ever since.

There was a lot of agony I endured as I fought to stay married and hoped he would choose me. Instead the disloyalty continued. He had lied for so long and got away with it that I was the only one that had ever held him accountable. He continued to gaslight me telling me I didn’t know what I saw when the hard evidence would be right in my hand. But now I had others helping me too and they supported me in my discoveries. It gave me the extra strength I needed.

Divorce was a forced choice after a lot of falsehood, tears, exhaustion, nightmares, therapy, PTSD symptoms, betrayal trauma, so many knots in my stomach and a broken heart from the 21 years I was married to someone I didn’t really know.

What a blessing it has been to be divorced. I once believed that it was the end and a huge sign of failure. But now I know it has unveiled a bright path with healing and opportunity. I have my times I wish to go back to what I thought I knew because it seemed easier but knowing what I now know I would never really want to go back. I have learned that it is the hardest times in my life that has made me stronger. I have had to be more dependent on God and am closer to Him because of it.

Being divorced I am faced with so many new situations and I have had to be patient with myself as I am still learning. Divorce is not a dead end but instead a detour.

I love looking back at my heaviest times with my current perspective of the happiness I have felt that I never knew was possible.

When times were so dark I couldn’t have ever imagined the light I would feel now. Divorce saved me! I pray for all those in the thick of the gloom. Hope is at the end of the tunnel.

#divorce #betrayaltrauma #hope