My BOOK CLUB recommendation for July is “Journey From Abandonment to Healing” by Susan Anderson.

This is one of the first books I read and it gave me a clear and validating understanding of the Abandonment and Grief Recovery Cycle. The acronym is S.W.I.R.L. Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage and Lifting.

I was already familiar with the Grief Cycle going through my discoveries and divorce, but the abandonment was a new piece.

So much of my betrayal trauma was “shock, pain, and panic, suddenly bereft of life’s worth and meaning.” I was trying to keep shards of myself together, but in spite of all my efforts, my faith and trust had been shattered. And by the one I trusted and loved the very most.

Severing my relationship did not end my need to bond. Yet so many people wanted to ask me questions that I withdrew to avoid awkward and uncomfortable conversations.

No matter how many times I was told this wasn’t my fault or it isn’t personal, I still internalized a lot. I recognize this is totally on him but I still can’t believe I didn’t know all this time.

Rage was the emotion I needed to finally step out of his fun house of mirrors and choose for myself. I have used this energy to turn my experience into a triumph of personal growth.

The lift I felt from escaping his dark fog helped me direct my energy outward and it helped lift me back to life. I often call it my rebirth from the ashes. It has also provided me tools to help enhance my capacity for newness and love. My path has been resurrected and I’ve had to give myself grace navigating what and where I had never believed I’d ever be before.

I am assuming as you “lift” that the one that chose the life without you will not like the control they lost over you because you once worked so hard to fight for them. Even when it was unhealthy. You now have more information that they only once had and you get to choose for you!! Cheers to uncovering your new path!

What are your experiences while traveling through the abandonment cycle in your healing?

#betrayaltrauma#hope#healing#divorce#remarriage#addiction#infidelity#emotionalabuse#shattering#withdrawl#internalizing#rage#lifting