Landing in Holland
I have made New Year Goals every year since I was a little girl but this year it has taken me longer to create them because what used to be what I thought was my “normal life” has disappeared and been reinvented.
I was reminded recently of a story I had heard years ago written by Emily Perl Kingsley titled “Welcome to Holland.” She shares her comparison of her experience with her life feeling like she was prepared to go to Italy but when the plane landed she was in Holland. Still beautiful but different. Not what she had studied about or planned for but instead of mourning she didn’t get to go to Italy she learns to enjoy what’s special about Holland.
I am very much a planner and have felt strongly that if I was able to be the best person I knew how to be that not only would I be blessed but so would my family. I worked hard to be disciplined in staying close to God and serving my family everyday. This last year is when my plane landed. Initially there was so much sadness in what I felt were unfair consequences to my kids and me when we didn’t make any of these poor choices. We stood in front of a mirror we had looked in our whole lives and watched it shatter not knowing what was real or not anymore. Now we stare at the broken pieces on the floor and try to put back what we believe is true.
But we are changed forever! There is pain behind letting go of the ideal and traditional family. It is also letting go of the optimism I had for the potential that my ex has never reached. Because he traveled so much I have been used to managing the family on my own and that didn’t change for us and that is also what is so sad. Now and again I go somewhere and interact with many on what is ideal and realize I am a single mom of four kids. I have more responsibilities than ever before yet we are happy.
Why do we compare ourselves to what society has created as ideal and perfect? Because whenever I go to lunch with girlfriends or even attend church or the school I am surrounded by everyone that is being compared to an ideal that not one of us fits in.
So one of my goals for 2020 is to recognize that I am irreplaceable!! God has a plan for me! I have landed somewhere where I meet new people all the time that help me navigate”my new.” They are knowledgeable, loving and compassionate. I feel the desire to be the same for others just landing. I find so much beauty in the imperfections of others around me as we laugh and cry together because we don’t fit the ideal. We recognize we are facing challenges every day because of Gods laws and others choices. I have felt both in my life.
So where has your plane landed you? I may not always love learning about where I am because it is painful and hard to grow but I am definitely better because of it!
