Losing Trust in Yourself
Why does a D-day feel like a difficult and upward climb out to feeling normal again?
Because you have experienced betrayal trauma.
“Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violates that person’ s trust or well-being.” -Jennifer Freyd
When I realized I was experiencing betrayal trauma because of the discoveries of my husbands acting out from his addictions, my healing journey began.
Stepping out of the “fun house mirrors” and seeing his real person versus the one he wanted to be seen was shocking and an adjustment. Part of my trauma was that I lacked trust in myself the most.
How could I be so deceived?
How did I not know earlier?
Why did I trust him so much?
Why did I think it was a good marriage?
There are so many questions that now I am okay that I don’t have the answers. My truths and what I know without a doubt are enough. I know why I was forced to choose divorce.
I had adapted to an unhealthy and abusive environment where I was surviving everyday but I didn’t even know I was dying inside.
I started out in the negative and have been climbing out and up..higher and higher each day. I am happier today than before I even knew the truth. It’s taken hard work, time with patience and forgiveness for especially myself for doing the best I could with the information I had at the time.
Have you experienced betrayal trauma?
I will be presenting about it this weekend at the BYU Life After Divorce Conference. We will also share tools on how to make things better. There are so many amazing presenters offering great insight, experience and information.
Here is the link to register:
https://lifeafterdivorce.ce.byu.edu/registration
I hope to see you there. You are not alone!
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