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University of You

Work With Me
- 1:1 Private Coaching
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My Story
Contact Me
Blog Posts
University of You

Anti-Porn, Best Quotes

Love Someone Real Today

February 15, 2020

On a day we celebrate love I hope we can all go and love someone for real today!  Happy Valentines Day! 

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One Line A Day and When Conversations Go In Circles

About Me

I am a speaker and Life Coach specializing in betrayal trauma, infidelity, self worth, divorce and dating. I can help you find hope in healing.

Marni Bown

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I believe in god

I Believe In God

Trust was so violated in my previous marriage that I know it will take me a lifetime to recover. I struggle when experiences arise that I feel unsafe because of my new heightened awareness to honesty. My healthy reactions because of my trauma protect me and I try to be patient with the newness of it in me with my healing.

When I found his work phone I was in major shock and trauma and then everyone’s bank account of trust was immediately deleted including my own. Since that day I have been gradually refilling accounts of trust with those in my life. I have family and friends that have been contributing to their account of trust that was wiped out completely. And slowly over time and with consistency they have earned it back and I know I am capable of trust again. Others I have recognized I have to maintain boundaries so that I can trust in a way that feels safe to me.

I have also had to let go of old and new relationships that kept withdrawing from their account of trust to protect myself and I love this new found freedom.

I have also learned to trust in God. He has been the one constant giving me inspiration and promptings as I work to even trust myself. I know that He makes things visible to me when His timing is right.

I am thankful for following on promptings that in the moment didn’t make sense but now truth has made the reason for my actions very clear. He is protecting me still!

“Trust is earned, respect is given, loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any of those is to lose all three.”

Trust is just one of the topics we will be discussing in my 12 week course, The University of You: women’s group coaching session.

Register at www.marnibown.com or link in my bio.

I look forward to seeing you soon!!

#lifecoach #groupcoaching #healing #healingjourney #boundaries #triggers #betrayaltrauma #selfcare #selflove #selfcompassion #selfreliance #ptsd #grief #forgiveness #healthybodyimage #emotionwheel #victim #survivor #thriver #gaslighting #darvo #goals #abandonment #griefcycle #hope #grace #infidelity #divorce #remarriage #trust

Triggers are especially prominent during the holidays.

Because my first big D-day is Christmas Day I can get the double layer of triggers.

First, reliving my naive layer of sadness feeling I wasn’t a priority and then also trying to figure out why I deserved for him to lie to me so much. I was working so hard to be better all the time yet nothing seemed to work or change things.

Then the second layer is reliving the prior experiences but with the knowledge of his double life and why he lied to me all the time with the reasons I wasn’t a priority.

The emotions can be all consuming so I love stopping myself from spinning in those subconscious moments. Understanding that what he did was hurtful and not okay is just one of the tools of managing triggers.

In my upcoming group coaching, the University of You, we will discuss ways to manage our triggers and the emotions associated with them.

The link is here: https://marnibown-womensgroup.youcanbook.me

Or find it in my bio!

Ironically I have found a place of gratitude for my triggers. My D-day and all that followed is a tender mercy from God that gave me the confidence to seek safety and know why I am divorced. Before I knew the truth my therapist told me that divorce was probably the better way to go. But without my D-day I was taking the blame and fighting for someone that was deliberately not choosing me, I just didn’t know it yet. How counterproductive and enlightening!

Do you get triggers? What do you do to help yourself through them?

#universityofyou #lifecoach #triggers #hope #healing #divorce #infidelity #addiction #selfcare #selfhelp #selflove

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is usually the most difficult for those that we need them for the very most.

Do not drop the boundaries you have worked hard to identify, create and support just because someone calls you mean, selfish, un-Christlike, immature, unreasonable, unforgiving or anything alike. Even if they feel they have changed and it’s unfair to be held to their past mistakes in the present. You are where you are because of your history and you need to feel safe.

Anyone outside your most inner circle, which sometimes is only you, should not dictate what your boundaries look like. Boundaries also don’t always need to be specifically communicated to the offender either. They can be set by making your own personal changes.

Be prepared that the adjustments are not usually well received and that there will most likely be a lot of kick back.

It is almost a guarantee that those that they are set for will also be the most vocal to you and others by calling you some of these names in a manipulated effort to be able to go back to where they have control of what they want. You may never be able to put out all their fires but in time those that really know you will understand.

Knowing why you need to set the boundaries helps to hold yourself accountable when it is very very difficult.

The amazing thing about boundaries is that they can be modified when earned. Understanding what it would take in order to alter a boundary is also crucial in the healing process.

“Boundaries” is just one of the many topics we will discuss in The University of YOU Women’s group coaching. To register, click here:https://marnibown-womensgroup.youcanbook.me

Link in my bio for more info!

#groupcoaching #hope #healing #boundaries #selflove #safety #selfhealing #universityofyou #infidelity #addiction #lifecoach #remarriage #divorce #dating

Do you know your story?

Understanding and accepting your truth of what happened in your life is one of the first steps in healing, especially in betrayal trauma.

So, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world and was married to my best friend. It was shortly after our 21st wedding anniversary that I had my first big discovery day.

In that moment my life changed forever and I realized my husband had been living a double life. Pulling on that string was just the beginning of many more discoveries to come involving his addictions.

I looked everywhere I could think for help trying to get answers while remaining confidential about our situation as well. I was in a fight for my marriage while barely surviving each day as I questioned everything about my life.

Finally I was introduced to the term betrayal trauma and my healing journey began. I had clarity and an understanding of what was going on with the knowledge that I wasn’t alone.

Because of my appreciation for all those that helped me, I got certified as a Life Coach to give hope to someone else new to betrayal trauma. I love being a mentor for both married and divorced people.

I trust with hard work a marriage can survive these circumstances. But, after a lot of clarification and prayers, I knew it was time for our marriage to come to an end. I never believed that God would give me the answer that divorce was the right choice for me. Eventually I knew the best way moving forward was to turn him over to God to get the help he required and the safety I needed.

I never believed I would be identified as someone betrayed by their husband, a single mom, divorced or a victim of multiple forms of abuse. But this is my acknowledged history that has aided my healing.

“Knowing Your Story” is just one of the many topics we will discuss in The University of YOU. It’s a 12 week women’s group starting Tuesday August 27-November 12 6-7pm MST. Click here https://marnibown-womensgroup.youcanbook.me
Or link in my bio to register!

#groupcoaching #hope #healing #betrayaltrauma

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