Lust vs. Love
Part of my healing journey was learning about lust vs. love, especially in my marriage. Some concepts I already knew and others added clarity to what hadn’t quite made sense.
Healthy relationships are built on trust. To be intimate with someone takes vulnerability. Trust is the assurance that your partner will respect that vulnerability and honor you. Someone that violates what should be reserved between the two of you breaks that trust.
Strong and long lasting relationships include emotional intimacy. Porns relentless message is that sex is the binding agent. Where really it is the emotional intimacy that makes a person feel valued, seen, cherished, loved, cared for, listened to and appreciated.
Porn creates an unrealistic expectation about your partner both physically and emotionally. It is about self gratification and often dominance or mistreating another person. A healthy sexual relationship is meant to be a mutually satisfying expression of each partner’s love for the other.
These are just some of the parts of learning why I felt I was something and not someone. I was unseen and unsafe. I was just a body that was such an obvious disappointment. I felt so much shame in that.
But because I loved him with all my heart and soul, I believed he loved me too and in the way I loved him. I believed how he was really was love. I knew things weren’t right at times in my soul but my mind convinced me otherwise.
I am still proud of how I loved him. But now I know the difference in being really loved. I also don’t accept his false ideas I once also believed about myself. I know that he didn’t fall out of love with me because he never really loved me. His feelings were based on lust and it quickly decreased for me after marriage. At times I consider that he wanted to or even believed it was love and that he was loving as much as he was capable.
This is such a personal topic. I want you to know you aren’t alone. Sometimes we know even though we don’t really know.
Let me know if I can be a safe space to discuss some concerns with you.
Schedule a free 20 minute appointment to see if we are a good fit. Link in bio.
