This picture was taken shortly after my discovery when I was on a Girls Trip with friends I had known since kindergarten. I remember at that time putting on my fake smile and praying nobody could see past my mirrored glasses to see what I was really feeling in my soul. I felt isolated in the betrayal and in my trauma of the discovery. I felt so violated it felt like rape. I had consented to be with someone with a different understanding of who they really were. My trauma was emotional, sexual, existential, relational, a life crisis and I was overwhelmed at my feelings. I had trauma in the discovery and trauma in my response I didn’t understand.
I love the podcast from Marnie Breecker on Relational and Betrayal Trauma. She validated the feelings I couldn’t explain and helped me understand what Betrayal Trauma is.
At my college graduation I was given a copy of this poem by Marianne Williamson and I love it. It has since become a different meaning from a young woman taking on the world with a lot of potential to a busy single mom with still so much to offer the world.
 
The beauty of this story is that my friends saw past the mirrored glasses. They knew me enough to know I wasn’t myself even if they didn’t know what it was. I learned that fear shuts me down and hope gives
me peace.
I encourage you to look in your inner circle of friends and family that seem to be sometimes hiding and tell them you are thinking of them and love them…even if you don’t know why. Everyone has their
stuff and most of the time we don’t share yet our souls are hurting tremendously. “And
as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” I think we all have times of feeling small but it doesn’t help anyone. I know I felt smaller than sm
all and nobody even knew. Love someone today!