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Anti-Porn, D-Day, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Gratitude, Helpful Resources, Travel

My Mirrored Glasses

July 21, 2022

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Parallel Paths

My Pioneer Journey

About Me

I am a speaker and Life Coach specializing in betrayal trauma, infidelity, self worth, divorce and dating. I can help you find hope in healing.

Marni Bown

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It’s FLYday!

Sign up to receive a healing suggestion on a Friday to get you through the weekend with the reminder to First Love Yourself!

I believe in god

I Believe In God

My son has been living in another country for the last year and a half. Last week he shared how he almost can’t recall much about home anymore so we started reminiscing on stories that lead us down a long memory road.

I wasn’t prepared for it to tap into heart breaking wounds that I haven’t felt in a long time. It hurt so deep as I recalled some of the fun and amazing times we had as a couple and family. It devastated me again to know what my ex wanted and walked away from. I felt overwhelming sadness in my soul.

I have certainly grieved what we could have been, what he could have been and not being picked. I know the reasons why I chose to be divorced, even though I don’t feel like I lived in a way that this should be my story.

I am reminded again how strongly I feel that God loves everyone. He is there for each of us. Christ is our advocate and protector and this is applicable to all. I don’t know where my ex is coming from in so many facets of our overlapping and distant lives. I am thankful it’s not my job to make sure consequences for his actions are followed through. There is hope, forgiveness and grace for all through Christ despite our understandings of eachother.

I also know that even though he is a son of God, I don’t have to accept or take on the negative effects of his choices. I know everyone has the opportunity to heal and make things right. I also know that it can’t generate from me. I don’t need to endure with him when it becomes unhealthy and detrimental to my well being. Regardless of someone’s efforts to be the best version of themselves does not require us to take it on or tolerate it.

I know I am a constant work in progress towards being the best version of myself. I also know that others have their agency to determine for themselves what our relationship can look like. I know that boundaries are there to protect us and help build healthy relationships.

I know at times I feel like this is relevant for everyone other than myself. I continue to work on forgiving myself for doing the best I could with the information I had at the time.

I know that in my life I have been carried by Christ when my burdens felt too much to bear.

I love butterflies and all that they represent in their ability to transform, change and offer endless possibilities. They provide joy and embrace the ability to experience the wonderful life. To go from moving slowly on a twig and after enduring a transition to taking flight over seas and continents.

In addition I love the idea of the butterfly effect and how one small change in a state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. The simple flap of butterfly wings weeks before can contribute to the tornado weeks later. Of course this would mean that the choices we make can effect those for good or have a negative effect as well. But I do believe we are all beings that carry spiritual energy that we give off everyday.

Let our intentions be good and consistent. Notice I didn’t say perfect...but to do the best we can each day and to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings.

May we each pray at the end of a day to recognize how we made a positive contribution to the universe each day just by being alive and being ourselves. And as we learn to FLY we understand that it stands for First Love Yourself.

We are commanded to “love your neighbor as yourself” yet often we are more loving and forgiving to others MORE than ourselves. As if we believe the Atonement applies to everyone, except us.

Give yourself a hug today. Tell yourself 3 things you are doing well. Recognize what talents you have and how God is mindful of you. Record the miracles in your life. And every time you see a butterfly may you be reminded how you make a difference everyday just by being YOU. 🦋

What miracles have you seen in your trials?

#hope #healing #godisreal #butterfly #butterflyeffect #betrayaltrauma #selflove #selfhealing #selfcare #loveself #spiritualgift #hug #miracle #atonement #fly #first #love #yourself #value #consistency

In the early confusing times I spoke with a dear friend with a similar story that was years ahead of me for advice. Part of our conversation stuck with me because she told me that although it was the most devastating time in her life she had also never felt God closer. I could barely feel at the time and I could not even comprehend relating to her experience.

Now with time and perspective I wholeheartedly agree. I love my relationship I have with God. It is God that I turned to in my heavy trauma to feel understood, to alleviate the pain or relearn trust. It is God that helped give me enough energy and focus to complete the basic needs especially in my responsibilities as a mom.

God turned the betrayals of his free agency and allowed me the opportunity to choose to walk away from my marriage to live a life I didn’t know could exist but He did. I am still blessed despite the consequences of his choices.

Because of the dark times I have deliberately sought after the light and can feel it warmer than before. I value love, trust, safety, honesty, hard work, partnership, communication, patience, laughter, choice, emotions, affection, relationships, family, friends, therapy, self care, blessings and my true self more than ever before.

It is God that has prepared a way for me to help others and have the courage to do so. Although I am still healing and understand it will be a lifelong process, I have never felt so much immediate inspiration while supporting and sharing. I have extra gratitude for God allowing us to be there for each other in His name. I know He still is there for me through others.

I hope we can use our prayers and service as a way to help bless those that need it most. May we be inspired how we can “bring joy to the sorrowful.”

Thank you for those that have ever prayed for my family or me. Thank you for those that listened and acted on promptings that were answers to my silent prayers. Thank you to the empathy and advice provided as we all travel through rocky times. Thank you for all the love and support in this journey we all are navigating with optimism and hope.

How have you seen God in your life?

#healing #hope #betryaltrauma #god

Have you ever craved being able to just blend back in to your daily life?

After the truth came out publicly I was mortified and relieved.

I was so ashamed and embarrassed he had chosen what he did but I appreciated people finding out without me having to say over and over again what really was happening. Because of that we started to receive service accompanied with feeling love and strength from others prayers.

On the flip side I would also get the sad looks and head tilted stares when I would go out. I knew people didn’t know what to say yet I appreciated anytime someone would say anything or say nothing accompanied with a hug.

At times there was no control in the questions and places I would get asked them. I really had to learn to set firm boundaries fast about how much I shared with who, when and where. I quickly learned to recognize those that really were concerned and those that just wanted to be in on the information.

In time I noticed I had more strength personally because I had been connected to those that knew what betrayal trauma was because they had been there too. They became my circle I felt safe sharing my details and I knew they also understood.

Do you need someone in your circle that understands when you feel like nobody else does?

I would love to hear your story because I get it. I have been there before.

Click on the link to schedule a free 20 minute Zoom call to make an appointment.

https://marni-coaching.youcanbook.me/

You are not alone!

#healing #addiction #betrayaltrauma #divorce #betrayaltraumarecovery #healthylifestyle #emotionalabuse #infidelity #hope #hardwork #help #lifecoach #healfrombetrayal #healingjourney #hopeinhealing #selfhealing #selflove #healingpower #healingmyself #anxiety #ptsd #gaslighting #psychologicalabuse #trauma #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #mentalhealth #boundaries #healingmindset #love

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