A few years ago I had fought for him to choose us and instead God showed me evidence of why it was time to walk away from my marriage of 21 years despite what he was saying to my face.

I had listened to phone recordings given to me by one of the girls he was financially supporting and hearing his voice be the other person I never knew he was just devastated my truth and was sickening.

A girl even pulled me up on 3 way calls with him where he didn’t know I was present for days until I couldn’t take it anymore. I remember telling her that I had just ended a call with him and that he wouldn’t pick up. He also had told me he was done with her and I believed him.

Instead I sat stunned as he not only immediately answered but asked her ….”How are you doing?” That phrase was a dagger to my heart because since I had found his work phone he NEVER asked me that phrase.

I sat silent on the phone so embarrassed and actually jealous of this girl because I wanted to be his concern and priority. I said in my head over and over as I listened to them “please choose me and your family!”

But he never did. I texted him the whole time asking if he was in contact with anyone and of course his answer was “no” until she told him I had been on calls. Then he texted “oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that actually I have.”

All this evidence and much much more was Gods way of answering my prayers that I never believed would be that I needed to get divorced.

I took my boys on our first family vacation knowing I would be divorced. It was one originally planned as a family that ended up with just the five of us instead. I had traveled with them many times before without him because he worked so much but this was different.

I felt transparent as if everyone knew I was a single parent and was staring at me. But nobody cared and even better we learned that we were going to be just fine too!

This family vacation was the beginning of our healing process together in our new life and I’m thankful for what it represents.

I am thankful to know that God knows me and my children even as we are not the ideal. Now I know where our new path has taken us from then and we are beyond blessed!

What blessings from God can you now see with time and perspective?

#betrayaltrauma #divorce #addiction #hope #lds