When I broke my ankle and it never healed, I had surgery 6 months later to repair it. At the time I was so discouraged feeling God was unaware of my family and me. My children were extremely busy and my husband traveled a lot for work. I remember crying in physical and emotional pain while balled up on the tile floor as my husband stood over me saying he was leaving early the next morning for work for the week and I was on my own. I felt so defeated in my heart, mind and soul. This rocked my world and I was in a dark place of confusion and the devastation of my injury journey as it continued through the months.
As I reflect on this time in my life the emotional abuse I had endured for so many years had become so intense it was like my soul was fighting back. My physical body was reacting to what pain my soul knew but couldn’t explain. My brain tried to make sense of the truth he was wanting me to believe about him, us and especially how I saw myself. I was so consumed in believing what he said I was that I couldn’t believe the person he was showing me he really was. His lies didn’t make sense but I made them make sense because I couldn’t comprehend what the truth really was.
I still hurt when I reflect on myself crawling up the stairs weeping hurting so deeply feeling so unworthy of love or service from the man that told me he loved me. I wasn’t a priority, I was the problem.
What I know now is that I am powerful. I fight his abusive voices in my head still almost everyday with the lies he wanted me to believe about myself so he could have the control to manage his addiction right in front of my face.
Women have so much power and influence for good. If Satan can take out a woman by making her believe she is small or powerless he also neutralizes the women she associates with and even her children and family. When we aren’t present because we are numb or dissociative we aren’t doing what we are most capable of doing which is loving, nurturing and serving others.
I share my story because I know I am not alone. My false and negative beliefs about myself are not my real truth. I imagine if Christ was talking to me it would be similar to how I would encourage my own child. And for me because of my circumstances in my destructive marriage I have to reflect and count on the truths of who I know I was before I was married.
I encourage you to pray to see how God sees you with confidence and clarity because with God you are strong! When we feel weak it limits our true potential.
What are atleast 3 lies that are in your head? If you were to say them out loud I know another woman would say that Satan tells her the same thing. We need to learn how to defend ourselves from the enemy by being more kind and patient with ourselves. “The enemy is not fighting you because you’re weak, He’s fighting you because you’re strong!”