I love to journal and have been writing in many since I was eight. Last Galentines Day I was given this “One Line A Day” journal from a dear friend and I love it. I love entering in a little excerpt of my day each night. Early on I would use a frowny face or smiley face next to my entry to signify and recognize when I had a good day. I love reading back to see that a year ago there were very few happy days because most were consumed with confusion and sadness felt by either the kids, me or everyone. I love that as I now overlap a year ago I am doing well and the kids and I are thriving and healing. We are still learning but our days are better than they have ever been.
Strive For Progress Not Perfection: Motivational Uplifting Quotes Floral Blank Lined Notebook: Coleman, Jen V: 9781728983615: Amazon.com: BooksI love the quote “Strive for Progress not Perfection.” I always have goals I try and obtain but when I fall short I try and be patient that I’m trying. So much of my new life is learning to do things I have never done before or known where to even start!
With this idea I love the YouTube video by @sarahmcdugal When Conversations Go In Circles. The concept is comparing the abuse endured in a relationship with the idea that your trusted offender, for me my spouse, comes in and unexpectedly stabs you deeply in the leg. As you are hurting, crying, confused and shocked you are criticized for bleeding all over because people can see it and it’s getting on the carpet! I felt shame for bleeding.
With divorce I was told I had to have thick skin but I wasn’t prepared for even others on the outside looking in to tell me to “stop bleeding.” Even in forgiveness we know that we can have no ill will feelings toward our offender yet society wants to hold a victim to the standards of the Webster dictionary of a repaired relationship and silence to protect the offender. I am so proud of every victim that has ever bled and still had to have some sort of a relationship with their abuser.
Why are we not supportive and address the fact that we have been stabbed? For some just as the stab wound starts to heal the abuser unexpectedly comes and rips the scab off again with the same “stop bleeding” reaction. I can’t will myself to heal but I submit to it as I get support and help. I have learned to adapt and deal with the criticism. Forgiveness doesn’t take the pain away and now instead I have learned I can shield and protect myself.
I pray we can be a source of comfort to someone that has just been stabbed. Yes, the abuser also needs love and support but allow the victim the time to heal. We can’t make ourselves heal faster. Acknowledge the fact they have been stabbed and instead of making them clean up the blood or even try to do it for them instead mourn with them and acknowledge their feelings as truth.
I am so thankful for all those that have held me while I was in shock bleeding. At times I still can’t believe I have even been stabbed. I try to be gentle with myself as I work towards forgiveness and healing. I am beyond thankful for those patient with me as I strive for progress no matter how slow or at what new standards I hold for myself.
Go and give someone you know that’s been hurt a hug today, a text, a phone call or even a note in the mail. We all need love and support because we all have our stuff.