9/11 still signifies sadness and the appreciation for freedom but for me it also has its own personal twist because of a D-Day.

After he texted he wanted a divorce out of the blue and didn’t want to talk about it I finally confronted him. He expressed he was not interesting going to couples therapy to hear all that he was doing wrong. He was simple and I required so much and this was on me. I was so defeated and the failure of everything was confirmed to me again.

The next week I contemplated and confirmed all my failures in my life that had ultimately made me know that my marriage and children were failing because of me. I felt the best resolve for everyone was if I could just disappear. The perfect upcoming solution was my surgery to repair my broken ankle.

I prayed to God to not let me wake up from my surgery. I wrote letters to my children to find.

I didn’t want him to take me to the hospital but there was no other choice. I sobbed embarrassingly on the way as he sat in silence. As I saw people and places as we drove by I was also content in saying goodbye to everything forever. The personal thoughts in my mind that day are devastating to reflect on.

When I came out of surgery I told the nurse my husband and I weren’t going to make it. I’m sure she thought I was still loopy but when she told me he was there to get me instead of comfort I felt panic telling her I didn’t want to see him or go home with him.

What happened in my recovery looking back at myself makes me weep. I remember crying crawling around telling myself in my head over and over how unthankful I was for a husband that helped me so much. Yet he walked over me time and time again rolling his eyes at “the ankle.” Oh how I wish I could go back and comfort my naive self that was dying inside and transfer the relief I would feel of the discovery of his truth knowing I wasn’t crazy after all!

Part of my D-Day came later as I closed bank accounts I now knew existed. This one he created on 9/11 while I was in surgery from money he had taken from our retirement to help support a stripper.

Sad stories yet I’m thankful for my personal freedom on 9/11.

Listen to my podcast to understand more about finding God in healing.

https://riseuprestored.com/podcast/eep-6-marnis-story

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