Another goal for 2020 is to absolutely love myself! Including my good, bad, strengths and weaknesses. I know this is a work in progress for me but this last year I feel like I have amnesia and have forgotten who I even am. I have been faced with new hard situations and been forced to see my life for the truth it was. I am embarrassed that I trusted and like a frog in water that slowly boils the chaos and confusion became my normal. And when I would have the courage to talk to him about my concerns I felt mean, needy and weak. He told me he was simple and required little and I was asking too much. I needed to work on me and recognize all that he did. I still felt lonely and overwhelmed but I could fix it!
Now I know I can trust and love fiercely. I can work harder but the change isn’t because I am weak. I know I can ask help from a partner and that doesn’t make me needy. I know it’s okay to not be okay and even cry to your partner. So when I have my daily negative self talk telling me I am disposable and unloveable I try and change it with hope and peace. I am a daughter of God with godly talents and gifts.
I love the song “Lose You To Love Me” by Selena Gomez because I was slowly dying inside and didn’t even know. I had to let go and feel anger with hate to navigate my healing. I struggled feeling these strong negative feelings because we are taught they are of the devil. I love now knowing as long as we don’t stay stuck in the dark it is crucial in our healthy healing process. It means we see the truth and feel the betrayal. This doesn’t make me a bad person but is a mandatory part of the healing journey. And if going through that helps me love myself more I will take it!
I love being reminded of the person I was and am. Some has been suppressed or forgotten and it makes me so sad but optimistic as I am easily capable of adding it into my life as I once remember it. Like how much I really do love to laugh.
My friend took these pictures and gave it the title “Rebirth!” It is out of my comfort zone but I am thankful to see my other goal of progress not perfection has grown even since these were taken. Give yourself a compliment today! Do something to show yourself you love you!! Be more patient and gentle on your healing. You are amazing!!