“Self”

I am so thankful for all I have learned about the different concepts of self. Some of them are selfless, self worth, selfish and self care.

I never knew that it was ever an option to not be selfless in a relationship. I love knowing now that I can set boundaries even in a marriage.

After my divorce I felt so confused about even my own life that I found myself depending on others at times to help me with my truths, feelings and reality. But as I have developed a stronger self worth I have found I don’t agree with how others have told me they interpret how I feel or how I should be or react.

I remember when he was lying to another woman and I and when I reached out to her she decided to confront him together. He had fabricated stories trying to keep his lives separated while holding on to the possibilities of one or even still both of us. I remember wanting him to fight for me because I really thought he loved me but even then I was still confused about what that word really meant. How could I be in this situation if he really did love me?

Even after that ended I gave him a chance. But as time went on I had the feelings I needed to step back and even end it all together.

I am so proud of myself for finally asking myself the question…”What does Marni want?” I now know this is not being selfish by asking myself this. I knew I shouldn’t be with him but I let fear and doubt get in the way and I didn’t know how to end it. And as truth presented itself I learned how he continued to be so dishonest to me and other women. He said such mean things about another girl to me yet he was still stringing her along. He had lied to so many people including himself that his words meant nothing to me and what I thought was good disappeared.

In the process as he was trying to hold both of our hands I knew what I wanted and it was to finally let go.
Hiking is one way I practice self care and feel Gods love. It reminds me of the different paths we can take to new amazing destinations. At times I have gone on the less traveled path but it’s lead me to something more beautiful than I anticipated before I began. Looking back I love my new journey and fresh path!

What do you do for self care?

@marnibown