A friend sent this and it resonated with me in my first marriage. His silence and emotional absence were a way to control things. I took on more and started to believe these toxic patterns were normal. At times I kicked back and would try to speak up but it quickly became about how unthankful I was. Add in his hidden other life with all the betrayal and we were so unhealthy.

I have worked hard to forgive myself for doing the best I could with the information I had.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this today. 🫶🏼

“If a man grows up in a home where his voice was silenced, where his choices were ignored, where his emotions were never welcomed….he learns one thing very early… “what I feel doesn’t matter.”

And sadly, when that boy grows into a man, he doesn’t heal. He repeats.

He shuts down the woman who loves him.

He dismisses her voice like his was once dismissed.

He questions her decisions the same way his were questioned.

And without even realizing it, he builds a prison for her…a prison made of control, silence, and emotional coldness.

She gives her love, her care, her loyalty…but it’s never enough.

Because the problem isn’t her. The wound is in him.

But here’s the truth….

He doesn’t want to see it.

He doesn’t want to change.

Because that would mean confronting the very pain he’s spent a lifetime running from.

So the woman suffers.

She loses her light trying to shine for him.

She questions herself, forgets her worth, and walks on eggshells just to keep peace in a home that doesn’t feel like hers anymore.

She is not living. She is surviving.

And the saddest part?

He thinks everything is normal.

Because control is normal to him.

Silence is normal to him.

Power games are normal to him.

Dear woman,

This is not love. This is emotional suffocation dressed as protection.

No matter how much you love him, you cannot heal the boy inside him.

And no matter how loyal you are, you don’t deserve to live unloved.

You are not too much.

You are not the problem.

You are just trying to breathe in a space that keeps taking your air.

Choose yourself.

Your peace matters.

Your voice matters.

Your body, your dreams, your light—they matter.”

– Abhikesh