(Taken from MattTownsend.com)

Months before my discovery he texted me he wanted a divorce. I was so confused and he didn’t want to talk about it or go to couples therapy either. I had surgery days later and while recovering I researched the only marriage therapist I knew at the time @drmatttownsend. I read about the acronym STARVED and for the first time I recorded in my journal the truth of how I really felt about my life, including my suspicions he was having an affair and pornography was an issue.

Safe
Trust
Appreciation
Respect
Validation
Encouragement
Dedication
I didn’t feel SAFE because he said he wanted a divorce and wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t feel I lived in an environment where I could communicate, express emotions and especially cry.
I didn’t TRUST him because I would catch him in lies. I felt he behaved a certain way in front of others or the kids and I didn’t trust his intentions.
I didn’t feel APPRECIATED but instead felt like I was more his mom than a companion. I felt forced into a dictator role and I didn’t have shared support in disciplining or raising our kids. I didn’t have an identity away from my role as a mom and his wife and I didn’t like our dynamic yet any of my communication about this was shut down.
I didn’t always RESPECT him because of his lies, his complacency in our relationship and he was so tired all the time from working and was unable to help with things.
I didn’t feel VALIDATED in my emotions, spirituality or needs. I even felt the service, compliments and gratitude I gave him went unnoticed.
At the time I felt ENCOURAGEMENT from him but now I know his true intentions and the manipulation behind that behavior that makes me sad.
I felt his DEDICATION went to work, money, sports, church, and kids first. I wasn’t a priority and he was more committed to other things. I didn’t feel he loved me enough to support me through sickness and instead I was needy and a failure of a person.
I made a longer list than I shared and it scared me to say it out loud because I was admitting my truth. Knowing what I know now my inner soul was spot on. When I don’t trust myself I realize I did feel it. When I get asked…”How did you not know?” I now know I knew yet my brain had no proof to make sense of it. I know I’m not perfect and even healthy relationships get STARVED. I believe this is a great resource for everyone.
Is your relationship STARVED?
This is a great healthy tool I highly recommend. Without his truth it still helped me see smoke and fire. Now there is so much clarity. I know marriage is two imperfect people but I also know they both have to consciously be willing to fight everyday for each other in order to make it work.