Symbolic Funeral

Sometime after my divorce was final my therapist led betrayal trauma group held a symbolic funeral. There I wrote and shared an obituary about what had vanished recently in my life.

In it included a death of the man I married and lost to an ugly addiction. Also to the man I thought I married and never really existed. A death of the relationship, dream and ideal that I was worthy of and fought for but didn’t experience. A death of the parts of myself that I lost. A death of the possibility of what we could have been as a family including our children.

I was with a dear friend at the time volunteering for the elementary Fun Run. At the end we were encouraged to do a physical outward expression. For me it was releasing one of the balloons.

Like my marriage the situation didn’t go exactly as I had anticipated or planned. But I love that I was with my friend as we watched the balloon struggle through the trees and then get stuck at the top despite our encouragement. To me it was good enough and we had a good laugh.

Not long after we looked over to see that it freed itself and made its way high up disappearing into the sky.

I love being able to reflect back on this experience and see the growth I’ve made. I love that I still have the support of friends and family. My situation was more of a death than a divorce and so this really helped me a lot.

I love the opportunity to be divorced and learn about myself in ways I never otherwise could. I love the new people in my life and the positive impact they’ve had on my healing. I love seeing this video now and remembering the sadness but now I see it with time as an opportunity.

What needs closure in your life? What note or old momento can you let go of? What can you communicate to yourself to help bring closure?

@marnibown #imsoproudofitforfighting #betrayaltrauma #divorce #death #addiction #funeral #deathinsteadofdivorce