The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love: Anderson, Susan: 9780425273531: Amazon.com: Books(Picture from Amazon.com)
I was recently introduced to the Abandonment and Grief Recovery Cycle from “Journey From Abandonment to Healing” by Susan Anderson. The acronym is S.W.I.R.L.
Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage and Lifting.
I will be touching on each acronym specifically each day.
I lost my mom to cancer when I was a teenager and have traveled the Grief Cycle several times. After the discovery I felt similar feelings to a death and treated my feelings as such. But the Abandonment Grief Cycle has helped validate me as I navigate my grief and address the betrayal that it can end positively feeling empowered by the hurt in the end.
BTR.org says that “Abandonment happens when one party seeks satisfaction outside of his committed intimate relationship—at the expense of his partner’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.” Abandonment can happen through a physical affair choosing other women/men, choosing a sexual affair “with self” or onscreen images over a committed partner and even an emotional affair diverting emotional resources from the relationship.
I have been very lucky and felt supported for the most part . But I have since learned how often others aren’t as fortunate. They feel abandoned from their family, his/her family, friends, their therapist, their faith and church leaders, and even God. I believe this model can apply to anyone that has experienced any sort of abandonment.
A dear friend just shared her life’s journey about the horrific sexual abuse she endured as a young child for years from a family member who has an addiction to pornography. How she would pray to God to stop it from happening yet it never did. How she was living on the outside yet dying a slow death from the inside every day. How she’s developed strength now after feeling abandoned by all listed above hurts my heart. God can’t prevent free agency but there is no doubt in my mind that this little girl had angels with her constantly to offer her strength and hope when she felt all had abandoned her. I believe that some of those angels of comfort were even her own children. Even as she has died a little each day into adulthood that it’s through turning it over to the Savior that’s helped her to LIVE and be strong.
I am so proud of her on addressing her abandonment she experienced because of someone else’s choices. She is a perfect example of courage and embracing and allowing the truth to lift her up and set her free.