I am thankful for a recent trigger that with time and perspective I am happier and stronger than I ever knew was possible.

These balloons transported me to Senior Night two years ago. When I walked in the gym I realized I was supposed to bring a dozen balloons and I had completely spaced it. I hated that I had been so distracted untangling the truth of my life that I couldn’t even complete this simple task.

I now know that this is a PTSD symptom of betrayal trauma. I was not able to be the kind of mom, sister, friend, or person that I would normally be. I still struggle with letting go of doing the best I could during this difficult time. When I found the committee chair I explained to her a little bit about what was going on in my life. She was so gracious and caring and gave me a big hug. She shared how she had heard what had happened because her son had already told her. She said how the boys had been talking about it and couldn’t believe that he would cheat on me.

In that moment I was relieved and nauseous. I now knew that his peers knew what was going on. I wondered what was being said but I also knew that even the craziest rumors might actually be closer to the truth than they thought.

As the gym filled in I saw friends, teachers, coaches, neighbors and family. I felt like we had the biggest spotlight on us being observed from everyone. He didn’t show and I was partly mortified and relieved. I knew my son would be the only player with only one parent on the court. My heart broke for him and for myself in my inability to protect my kids from what was going on.

I was so proud to be by my sons side that night with his little brother as the teams biggest fan as well. I loved seeing his friends in the crowd with their signs they had created to support their friends on the team. I was so thankful for the coaches that hugged us because I knew they cared about him especially during this difficult time.

My oldest didn’t really share what was going on with his friends but they still knew. And I now know that they held a fast for him to know how to support, love and be there for him when he was ready. And behind each one of those rockstar friends are stellar parents that have also fasted and prayed for my boys and me for the very same things.

We are so blessed. My boys are KILLING it every single day! They are such an example to me of perseverance and hope. I love looking back to see how far I’ve come and how happy I am.

I’m thankful for good friends that offer that reminder as well. Have you ever had a positive experience with a trigger?

#betrayaltrauma #triggers #addiction