In the recent wind storm a tree branch flew through my window and shattered glass all over including inside my home. The wind noises of cracking and falling trees was already so loud and intense that when the window broke I became panicked and stunned. Luckily amazing family and friends came to my rescue to get it cleaned up and boarded up immediately. But I couldn’t believe how it froze me and I needed to understand why?

Trust was so violated in my marriage I know it will take me a lifetime to recover. I struggle when experiences like this are a reaction of my trauma and I try to be patient with my healing.

I now know that I trusted in my home to keep me shielded so when the storm was raging outside I believed that I was safe and protected. When the window broke it breeched the trust I felt to be sheltered.

When I found his work phone I was in major shock and trauma and then everyone’s bank account of trust was immediately deleted including my own. Since that day I have been gradually refilling accounts of trust with those in my life. I have family and friends that have been contributing to their account of trust that was wiped out completely. And slowly over time and with consistency they have earned it back and I know I am capable of trust again.

I have also had to let go of old and new relationships that kept withdrawing from their account of trust to protect myself and I love this new found freedom. I have also learned to trust in God. He has been the one constant giving me inspiration and promptings as I work to even trust myself. I know that He makes things visible to me when His timing is right. I am thankful for following on promptings that in the moment didn’t make sense but now truth has made the reason for my actions very clear. He is protecting me still!

“Trust is earned, respect is given, loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any of those is to lose all three.”

@marnibown #betrayaltrauma #addiction #divorce #trust #trustgod #pornkillslove