WITHDRAWL

WITHDRAWAL: in the Abandonment Grief Cycle. Love-withdrawal is just like heroin withdrawal—each involves the body’s opiate system and the same physical symptoms of intense craving. During withdrawal, you are feeling the wrenching pain of love-loss and separation—the wasting, weight loss, wakefulness, wishful thinking, and waiting for them to return. Your withdrawal symptoms may include intense anxiety and restlessness, sleeplessness, loss of appetite – sick to stomach, and jumpiness. Just surviving the day feels like a fulltime job. Your day is all about pain management.

For me I physically withdrew from any social situations because of questions like “How was your Christmas?” I felt like I had now become him living a double life lying about the truth of who I was and how I really was doing. I also experienced the symptoms of Betrayal Trauma similar to PTSD of not sleeping, eating or thinking clearly. I would fear going to sleep because I couldn’t distract my mind then I would finally fall asleep and wake up a few hours later in a sweat from a nightmare that as I would abruptly open my eyes realize this nightmare was really my life! Then I couldn’t stop thinking about all that I now knew and the day cycle would start. I walked around in a hat and couldn’t wear my contacts because I would cry them out. I couldn’t focus and would pray every morning to have God help me discern between what was the most important priority to focus on. I was so numb I had a hard time feeling Gods comfort. I hated that I felt my ability to be the mom I wanted to be was taken from me because I was so overwhelmed emotionally. But I felt Gods love in all that reached out once anyone had any idea. One dear friend came by with groceries for my kids, a shaker bottle with juice and vitamin supplements. She lovingly demanded that I drink my calories. I didn’t feel like eating I was so sick to my stomach and I’d simply just forget. It wasn’t until my son grabbed me and said, “Mom, you need to eat three more bites of your food.” I knew it was bad and he was worried. I was having a withdrawal from the life I thought I had and sadly watched it still happen but I now knew the truth so it double hurt because he had seen the kids and I cry. Such intense emotions. I am so thankful for all the angels on Earth that administered to me to know that God was aware of our family. We weren’t broken, we were loved!

It was a very dark place when nobody knew. My hope in reading this is if you ever feel you haven’t seen someone in awhile, pay them a visit. If they seem distant or bugged, you drop them off a note saying you are thinking of them. If you don’t know what to do, don’t ask what they need but pray to be inspired to know what it is and DO IT. You may never know why. You may never know the outcome. But we can be angels to each other just by looking outside ourselves and loving each other. When we ask ourselves why someone is behaving the way they are let’s try and say “What can I do to make that person feel more loved today?” There are so many in dark places alone for the sake of their family. We are each powerful! Let us love and pray for those in dark places because so often it’s your own family, friend, neighbor or even YOU! A huge hug and sincere “how are you doing” never hurt anyone. There is light at the end of the tunnel.