While still discovering and heading towards a divorce I had a confidant reach out to me that also knew my STBX. He had gone through a similar situation and expressed his shock and sadness for us. He encouraged me to start choosing my life for me. He pointed out how I had been abused and I no longer had to take on that role. He then told me that one day I would actually feel sorry for my ex.

I couldn’t even imagine that because at the time I was hurting so deeply digging into his other existence that he knew extensively. I felt left behind as his life seemed to be better than it had ever been. His almost new “single” title immediately justified so many of his behaviors and ultimately how he’d been choosing to live for so long. I clearly didn’t have all the information and felt stuck while he was on a fast track to freedom.

I saw my friend recently and I was able to confirm that he was right and I thanked him for his advice. I have so much gratitude for opting towards healing and moving on.

Mark and I know that we can’t put out their fires why their lives are not what they thought they could continue to dominate and how we are to blame. We know we aren’t responsible for shielding them from the consequences of their choices any more. There is relief in us that they chose differently now.

We have way more appreciation for continuing to stay true to who we are so we could finally find eachother and build a life the way we always thought it should be. We constantly feel extra blessed that what once was the hardest time in our life has become our greatest reward.

We have so many special moments of appreciation because we know differently. We get to value each other more and we are unquestionably blessed.

Divorce is not a dead end but a springboard for a better life. It may seem so dark and confusing right now but I promise better days are ahead. Even if the situation you are in feels unfair because of someone else’s choices. God knows you. You are now the author of your story. So go and write a beautiful one.

How have you been blessed in divorce?

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