A month after my discovery I was still in a dark place because I was pretending all was well yet I was dying inside. He had been moved out almost a month and the truth of my life was overwhelming in my secret silence.
I had a girls cruise that had been planned a few years earlier and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it because of my new circumstances. I hadn’t told anyone the truth, other than a diluted version to some family, so I looked forward to going on the trip feeling “normal” again. These are women I have been friends with since I was 5 years old, see often, and some it had been years. We had all jokingly agreed to not lose weight and instead embrace our birthday milestone we were celebrating. But because I had lost SO much weight and was abnormally emotional my girlfriends confronted me with their concern one night. One of my greatest fears was getting cancer young like my mom and this was their conclusion. My response of the truth of the betrayal of a person they had come to love over the years I was married was heartbreaking. To say the truth out loud to those that love me unconditionally seemed surreal like it couldn’t possibly still be true! Like I was explaining a horrific movie but really I was describing my life. We cried until we thought there were no more tears to give.
The next night after a moment of feeling the magnitude of all I had been carrying to be so strong I collapsed on the bed in fetal position and wept. I released all I held in and became lifeless. Slowly as tears streamed down my cheeks, eyes too swollen to see and my body to weak too move I felt warm loving hands touching my sore muscles. Then through sounds of their crying that broke the silence, more hands joined transferring spiritual strength that literally filled my broken body and soul. I could feel the love and protection of angels and from these amazing women. I will never forget this spiritual experience that was a springboard to get me home and have the courage to share my truth. I was more powerful because of their strength. They gave me this picture “She Will Find What is Lost” by Brian Kershisnik that hangs in my home as a reminder of that amazing experience.
These women have continued to be some of my angels on Earth. I can’t deny feeling like God had a hand in the timing of when this happened. Like He knew I needed these women at this exact time to share their life experiences with me as support. It’s events like this that create an unbreakable bond because through our vulnerability we each came home better friends, mothers, wives, sisters and women! We learned together that like the moon …We don’t have to be whole to shine.