I recently spoke at a fireside via Facebook messenger to a Young Woman’s group in South Dakota. I appreciated their bishop that reached out to me and his concern for helping educate his youth on pornography and dating. I was able to share my story and point out some key points.
1. We are entitled to our own personal revelation. So often when I was needing to make hard decisions I wanted a crystal ball to tell me what the best answer was for my life. I had to dig deep and depend on God and myself to know what was right. I encouraged the youth to do the same. To become familiar with how the Spirit speaks to them so when big decisions come along they are confident in their prayers being answered and knowing God is mindful of them and even their small concerns.
2. Dating is fun and how we get to know others and ourselves. Different people can bring out different strengths and weaknesses in all of us.
3. Porn is real and everywhere. There is no such thing as dating someone that’s never seen porn. It’s asking the hard question about how often and how recent? What triggers it or motivates it? Who are they talking about it to and how do they prevent it? Do they seem to diminish the truth or be defensive?
4. Create and set firm boundaries for yourself. Write them down including what the consequences of what would happen and how you’d feel if the boundary was broken. Be firm enough that if someone isn’t willing to value and respect your boundaries then they don’t deserve to be with you. I have heard too many stories with youth bending boundaries in relationships where they end up being physical to help their partner turn to them instead of porn. Or send pictures to see them instead of turn to porn. The problem is the relationship boundaries are reversed with the physical first instead of trust and some end up in a blackmail type situation because they trusted someone that later turned on them. I know the social norm is all of the above and so it’s easy for them to justify but there is a reason boundaries are set in place to protect us.
5. We are sons and daughters of God with inherited Godly gifts and talents. We have help from a God that loves us and created us. Believe it!