Decluttering

I feel honored that my picture with a post inspired this portrait by @antonia.s.harris.

I wanted to repost some of what I wrote since my resolutions are still about decluttering. After knowing he didn’t want to change I decided to let go of my marriage of 21 years. Once he moved everything out it was like a fog was lifted and the home felt cleansed. He didn’t buy me many gifts in our marriage so collecting those to throw in the trash didn’t take long. I had convinced myself that I didn’t need gifts at all because he didn’t do that and it is true I would rather travel. I now knew he was capable of buying and giving gifts and even planning fun dates, it just wasn’t for me. I saw he spent more money on other girls in the last six months alone than me our whole marriage. He knew what girls might like to do and get because of me, his wife! Seeing those transactions and receipts were like daggers in my heart.

I am very sentimental about gifts given to me but his gifts no longer held value with the new truth and they just cluttered my closet, my head and my heart.

I finally just got rid of my wedding dress as my final item I still had in my home.

When I put it on for the last time I was surprised my memories turned to those that loved and supported me during my wedding especially because I had just lost my mom. Many of them still do. I was young but I knew I was supposed to marry him and now I know it was to get my kids. The best worst decision I’ve ever made.

I also know that the person I agreed to marry doesn’t exist. I know I gave everything and all of me to my marriage and it was one sided. He was still telling me he wanted to be with me seconds before I confronted to tell him I finally knew his truth. Sadly I was not his partner but his cover to hide his other life.

I know I am not perfect but I didn’t deserve what he chose to do and the effects it’s had on my family. I know the person that spoke he loved me was choosing to betray me everyday.

Don’t ever let someone blame you for their decisions to act out. There is NOTHING that you can do, say or be that gives them any excuses.

What can you declutter in your life?

#betrayaltrauma #divorce #addiction #hope #declutter #goals