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Triggers are especially prominent during the holidays.

Because my first big D-day is Christmas Day I can get the double layer of triggers especially this time of year.

First, reliving my naive layer of sadness feeling I wasn’t a priority and then also trying to figure out why I deserved for him to lie to me so much. I was working so hard to be better all the time yet nothing seemed to work or change things.

Then the second layer is reliving the prior experiences but with the knowledge of his double life and why he lied to me all the time with the reasons I wasn’t a priority.

The emotions can be all consuming so I love stopping myself from spinning in those subconscious moments by tapping my hand over my heart and say…”What he did was really hurtful and not okay, but I am okay.”

Somehow this usually works for me with objects, places, sounds and smells.

This year I have a new twist on my triggers because I have so much gratitude for them. My D-day and all that followed is a tender mercy from God that gave me the confidence to seek safety and know why I am divorced. Before I knew the truth my therapist told me that divorce was probably the better way to go. But without my D-day I was taking the blame and fighting for someone that was deliberately not choosing me, I just didn’t know it yet. How counterproductive and enlightening!

Do you get triggers? What do you do to help yourself through them?

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