LIFTING: in the Abandonment Grief Cycle. Your anger likely helped to externalize your pain. Gradually, as your energy shifts outward, it lifts you back into life. You begin to let go. Life distracts you and gradually lifts you out the grief cycle. You feel the emergence of strength, wiser for the painful lessons you’ve learned. And if you’re engaged in the process of recovery, you may find yourself ready to love again. When you Lift, it is important to take your feelings with you. Otherwise you risk losing connection with yourself once again.
Although you can rotate through the cycle and skip around this one is my very favorite. It is when I felt I had hiked a difficult, steep, uphill path and finally reached the top. The air is cleaner and the view goes farther than I could see giving me a better perspective. I now know I am different from when I started. I am stronger, more capable and aware. I’ve gained courage, felt Gods love in so many ways and I am more empowered making me different for good. I still have my setbacks but the air at the top breathes pure and I feel good. I know I can do hard things. I have lost a lot along the way but with my children in tow we made it to the top. Each at our own pace but we are doing it every single day!
In my therapy I was encouraged to do a physical outward expression ritual to symbolize the loss. It promotes healing by involving our bodies to feel the heavy weight of the situation. I was encouraged to do a “losses” board. I also did this with the boys and one son suggested we add a board for “gains” to recognize what good has come because of the hurt. I will share those another time. Here are just some of my losses I have felt:
I lost the life I worked hard for and my ability to trust others and myself. The kids too. I lost my ability to be the best mom I can. I’ve lost time focusing on other things instead of priorities for my kids. I lost years of my life not being loved or cared for. I lost the hopes and dreams my dad had for my spouse especially because I lost my mom. I lost my sense of safety, security and value. I lost the idea of an ideal partnership and eternal family. I lost relationships I had with people especially his dad. I lost out on the best gift you can give your kids is by being loved by their dad.
No doubt there are so many gains and a better perspective of what may have seemed like losses now has clarity. For example, there is the ideal but I have learned that there is more than one path to Christ and it’s usually not ideal.
What are some outward rituals or expressions you have done to heal? I have heard of writing losses and letting them go in helium balloons. Even burial services, keeping a journal or writing a letter that gets thrown away.