I was recently visiting my friend that I was with when I found out I was officially divorced 6 years ago.

Passing a park we were at triggered memories and emotions I hadn’t thought about for a very long time. In fact, the official day came and went and I didn’t even know again.

In the process of my discoveries, individuals started reaching out and telling me things. His other life also had people and some of them wanted to find me to share what they knew. It was very overwhelming on top of what was already uncovering.

Many times my mind would suddenly start recalling timelines, conversations, situations with the new information I had. All that I thought I knew was undone and I was trying to put it back together, it just wasn’t quite fitting. At times I would have to say out loud, “I do not want to think about this!” I knew some solid reasons why I got divorced and any extra facts didn’t matter. I don’t want to discount that it felt like another stab to my heart.

One of my favorite songs in my healing is “Clean” by Taylor Swift. I know my boys were so sick of it being played on repeat but it just speaks to my soul.

The idea of it all washing out of my mind and into Mother Earth felt genuinely cleansing. The visual with the sensation combined helped me so much. Some of the words help illustrate in my mind the lingering effects of my relationship, but ultimately, declaring my freedom and newfound clarity. Like being “clean” from his negative impact and power.

In ways it was also sad that there was so much relief in being divorced. I was beyond depleted and I knew I had to turn him over to God and rebuild without him. It’s one of the hardest and best decisions I have ever made.

What songs help you get through your betrayal trauma or divorce?

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