“The Girl in the Velcro Dress:”
While I was in the thick of my new trauma my dear friend sent me “The Girl in the Velcro Dress: An allegory for those who carry too much”
by Heather Plett.
It immediately resonated with me because I felt how “the Velcro made it easy for other people to attach things..” to me. “Some people attached expectations of how I should behave or what I should sacrifice on others’ behalf. Others attached their own needs that they wanted to meet and the pain they didn’t know how to carry.”
In my trauma others put on me their expectations and timelines of when to heal, forgive, feel safe, cry, be angry, move on and trust. I was now the recipient of others feeling uncomfortable about my situation. Some had to pretend or ignore it to live what is socially considered a “normal life.” That lie just added more to my dress.
I had to peel away the “messages and beliefs from my culture, my religion, my family system, the media and…” others “who knew better because they wore Velcro clothing too.” This included my lack of boundaries in my life and especially my marriage. I sacrificed and served more than I was capable to give. I put everyone’s needs ahead of mine and self care was only possible once I had completed a never ending checklist. I allowed myself to believe it’s okay I was his last priority, if ever, because that’s what I thought a supportive wife did. I accepted everything he was and did because that is what I thought unconditional love was.
Through my healing journey I have found “I no longer needed to catch what wasn’t mine.” And as I channeled my younger self for truth I also shed the weight of my Velcro dress with all that he wanted me to believe I was and instead “I looked down at myself, smiled, and said “Hello friend!-it’s so lovely to see you again! In that moment, I danced.”
Now I read this with a fresh perspective. I know there are “layers of trauma and generational baggage we don’t understand that make its way into the dress anyway.” But now I also know that “the world is full of possibilities. With each thing I peel away, I feel a little lighter, a little more myself.”
And what a blessing of freedom dancing has been!
Here is the link:
